Have you ever seen the potential in someone and hoped for the best, and instead got burned because what they wanted is not quite what you wanted? Oh, I have done this, and this thinking and behaving got me into massive trouble when I was dating. Do you still do this? It’s okay if you do, but I’m going to share with you the pitfall, and how you can shift it – and FAST – because this can be a recipe for disaster and suffering!
Seeing someone’s potential, and hoping they will want a relationship when they have said they don’t is a major time, energy and money sucker! This kind of thinking can also cause unnecessary grief and heartache in your life! Trust me on this one. I’ve also seen clients go through this emotional roller-coaster and tug-of-war.
If you desire an exclusive relationship and you ask someone if they are interested in a relationship, and he or she says anything other than “Yes, I am interested in having a relationship,” or something to this effect, I highly recommend being okay saying, “Thank you so much, and good luck to you.”
I think in today’s society people have a hopeful attitude and a tendency of thinking we can change their minds because we are such a great catch. Eek – this just doesn’t work! Yes, people are cautious because they have been burned, divorced or hurt, however, if they adamantly say they are not ready or interested in a relationship – LISTEN, and then move on or run.
One of the biggest things I see people doing is just going out having a great time, and NOT asking the right questions. Start asking good, smart and important questions because knowledge is power. Once you have information then you can make good decisions for you! It’s the not knowing that can cause misinterpretations and assumptions.
Here’s a perfect example: A client didn’t know if the man she was seeing was sleeping with other people. He was very honest and up front about everything else, and when she finally did ask this question, it came out that he was in fact sleeping with other people. WHAT!! She was rather shocked and surprised. Perfect example why to ask if you are in doubt even a bit. Yes, ask in a nice and playful way but also be direct and straightforward. This is your life and your heart. Don’t let people mess with it!
When you become someone who is clear about what you want, asking relevant questions and then are willing to walk away if someone isn’t ready or available, then you will be on a great track to have a great relationship. Trust me, a fulfilling relationship will take doing all of these on-goingly – asking questions, clarifying, listening, understanding, etc. Have you fallen into the hopeful bucket and been burned? What did you learn from it or are you still learning from it?
Happy Living Forever – Dating made simple, Suzanne Muller, Dating & Love Life Coach, www.happylivingforever.com)